I can’t believe another year is ending! As I am writing this post there are less than 8 hours left until we say goodbye to 2018 and hello to 2019. This year has been another rollercoaster ride for me, thus I wanted to share my ups and downs with you. Hopefully, this post will not only motivate you but also teach you to never give up on life. As cringy as it may sound, there is always hope, always a silver lining at the end of the tunnel. As long as you hold onto that belief that everything is going to be ok, trust me, it is going to be OK! Here we go, what I’ve learned in 2018 and what I’m hoping to learn and achieve in 2019:
#1 – I’m always going to suffer from anxiety and that is fine. I just have to learn to cope with this feeling and not let it take the better of me. Some days are going to be harder than others, but I’ll go through them.
#2 – Depression is a nasty creature. Exactly when you think it’s gone, it comes back! One day you’re feeling fine, actually more than fine – on top of the world; the next – you don’t want to get out of bed and feel suicidal.
#3 – People will not understand what you’re going through. Some of them will even try to convince you that there is nothing wrong with you. You shouldn’t listen to those people. Your feelings are important and real, thus sometimes it is better to keep emotions to yourself.
Your feelings are important and real, thus sometimes it is better to keep emotions to yourself.
#4 – On the other hand, you might find out that a very special person was very near you and you just didn’t know it. I’m very lucky to have found out that a girl I knew through another friend was exactly what I needed to convince myself that not everything is lost! She is amazing and we have been through more or less the same. I hope we never lose touch.
#5 – Relationships are hard. Vlad and I have been through a lot this year but we pulled through. He finally got his PhD (insert: very proud gf emoji) and we are finally planning things for the future. Love is honestly very difficult. There are no perfect people or relationships. You just need to make it work. If something is missing, that doesn’t mean that you have to say ciao to everything you’ve built together. You need to make sacrifices and be OK with them.
#6 – Some of your friends will never change. That doesn’t mean they are not good people but if they do the same things over and over again, then the probability of them changing is less than 0. I’ve learned that with some people I always feel like we are talking in a different language and that’s fine.
#7 – I have IBS. A very nasty IBS. People still think this is not a health problem and sort of laugh at you. I’ve learned that I’ll have to live with this and learn to manage it. Honestly, it is horrible. Every single day I wake up and I’m wondering whether I’m going to have normal bowel movements or experience explosive pain for a couple of days before it all goes back to normal.
#8 – I think I can finally live with the thought that my father will never change and never admit what he’s done to me and my mom. He is blocked and I’m not ready to speak to him.
#9 – Speaking of mom, I think I’m finally starting to live my life. I’ll always miss her and I’ll still have nightmares but I know she wouldn’t want me to cry every day. She would want me to live my life. And I think it is finally time to start doing that. I love you, mom!
#10 – Things not always go as planned. I know that this is normal but the past 27 years nothing went to plan. I thought I was cursed or something but I’m determined to change this.
#11 – Sometimes we need to go through very bad things before we start experiencing good things. It is very important to learn from our downs. They teach us what the true meaning of life is so that we can enjoy the rest of our time on this planet.
#12 – And sometimes we just don’t deserve something that we really want to happen. I’m not going to get and achieve everything that I want. Unfortunately, I can’t change people’s perception of me and I can’t deliver world peace, as much as I really want that for humanity!
#13 – Vlad and I have been very lucky this year. If there is something nice that happened during the year it was our trip to Japan. He had a conference there and I was very lucky to be able to go too. Japan was a life-changing experience. An eye-opening experience and it changed my whole view of the world and what life is. I’m hoping I go back there one day. FYI, I’m planning to upload the pictures from Japan but I really need to plan the posts as there are over 800 images!
#14 – Speaking of posts – I’m very mad at myself that I gave up on this blog at the beginning of March. However, it was giving me huge anxiety and I thought I should back off until I don’t look at blogging as something I have to do. I wanted to enjoy blogging, so I took some months off. It was a good decision as I have a clear view of what I want to do now.
#15 – I’ve grown a lot as a human being this past year and I want to evolve even more in 2019. It is very important for me to use everything I have experienced and know to help others. I really want to make a change in the world. Unfortunately, it is very hard to achieve this as a blogger. I need to make sacrifices in order to get noticed but I’m determined to do it.
I’ve grown a lot as a human being this past year and I want to evolve even more in 2019.
#16 – I’m not always going to be able to go to the gym and that is ok. I used to have a very unhealthy obsession with training and food. One day of not going to the gym and eating whatever I wanted was giving me a lot of anxiety. I was mad at myself for not training and binge eating. It all comes from when I was young. I was overweight and bullied, and as a result, I became bulimic and didn’t really take care of myself until this year. I think I’m doing much better now and know that not going to the gym or eating slightly more every once in a while will do no harm.
#17 – I’m determined to change my mindset. I used to be very pessimistic and this reflected on how I saw the world and the people around me. I used to hate everybody and everything. Since Japan, I’ve learned that there are still good people and so much beauty in the world to be seen. I just have to let go of the negative feelings.
#18 – I’ll never be able to forget my mistakes and that is also fine. You learn from mistakes. They made me the person I am today.
You learn from mistakes.
#19 – I hope in 2019 I can finally start helping animals. Vlad and I are supporting a lot of organisations but that is not enough for me. I want to be able to go in person and actually help. I really love animals and it hurts me a lot when I see them being hunted, poached and more and more species becoming extinct.
#20 – I know it sounds very hypocritical but being able to buy more organic and sustainable meat in 2019 is also one of our priorities. Vlad and I have seriously discussed going vegan or at least vegetarian but it won’t work. Thus, we are trying to at least get our food from farms that we know have taken good care of the animals. We are also trying to eat a lot less red meat and certain types of fish. Maybe one day we can be vegan but for now, we are going to do whatever we can to show our respect to all the animals that are providing our food.
There is a lot more that has happened this year but I cannot fit it into one post. Maybe a book – one day, you never know! I just really hope I can convince all the people reading this that there is still hope in the world, there are still good people and you can actually achieve everything you’ve ever wanted. You just have to have the right mindset and the right people around you. It is very important to have at least one person that can be there for you and support you in everything. If you have that one person, you’ll be able to do it all.
I wish you all a very Happy New Year! And I really do mean it! There is so much pain the world and I feel like humanity has been through a lot, especially the last couple of years. The constant fear of terror attacks, losing our loved ones and what the next day will bring is not doing us any good. I know it won’t happen but I really wish for world peace and better living conditions for everyone.
I hope you’re all healthy and happy in 2019!
Thank you for reading!
Thank you, 2018, next!
Check out more of my random thoughts here!
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DorotaJanuary 1, 2019
I’m also on board of the “buying sustainable food” train, and I (unfortunately) can’t see myself as a vegetarian either. I don’t know why, but for some reason life without occasional chicken wing seems so sad to me. Your post was very honest and I really loved to read that not only I was struggling with 2018. I hope all your worries and troubles go away with this new year and am looking forward to see posts from Japan!
MariyaJanuary 3, 2019
Thank you so much for the lovely words, Dorota! I wish you all the best in 2019!
Danielle AlexaJanuary 2, 2019
I hope that you have a wonderful 2019 sweetie!
MariyaJanuary 3, 2019
Thank you so much, you too! x
IzabelaJanuary 2, 2019
Hope you have a fantastic year.
Her Style Hive
MariyaJanuary 3, 2019
Thank you, wishing you the same!
StacieJanuary 4, 2019
I love this post! I can definitely relate and I agree that sometimes the person you need is closeby and you don’t realise it. I made lots of new friends this year and it was such a highlight! I’m sorry you had so many downs but the ups are what will shape you to bring more positivity to your 2019. I’m sure you’ll smash it.
Thanks for sharing a very inspiring post!
Happy New Year
MariyaJanuary 6, 2019
Thank you so much, Stacie! I hope 2019 is amazing for both of us! x
LackadaisyJanuary 4, 2019
I agree with you on what you wrote on depression, but on the other hand, I figured out your attitude can’t really change if you don’t change your life completely. I was dealing with it for years and year to the point I didn’t even bother to leave my bed, unless it was really necessary. Until one day I packed my bags and moved far away without even giving it a second thought, and suddenly, without any medication or anyone’s assistance I was a completely new me (or simply just me again).
I hope you take the best of whatever life brings you and wish you a wonderful year and best of luck with your blogging again <3
MariyaJanuary 6, 2019
Thank you for your kind words, wishing you the same in 2019! x