I’ve been asked so many times what my blog’s name actually means and I’ve always responded with ‘it’s not what you actually think it is’. Well, sort of… I’ve recently been featured in How To Create A Successful Business Online: Experts Roundup! on YourParkingSpace. This made me think that it is probably about time to share what Brunette On Demand actually means!
Firstly, though, let me tell you how I actually came up with the name!
I think it was the end of September 2017 when I decided to start a blog. If you know anything about blogging or making a website, etc., you’d know that the first thing you need is a domain name. Some bloggers simply use their names whilst others want something catchier. Needless to say, I fall into the second category.
Back then, I asked my ex-partner to sit with me and do some brainstorming. It only took about an hour or so to scribble a couple of options. Right now, I can’t really remember what the options were but some included the word fleek… Cringe! Other options had brunette in them and I knew that I wanted my domain name to have this word in it. Sadly, nothing sounded right. I didn’t know how exactly to make a domain name with the word brunette in it to sound exciting and catchy.
I was sitting with my partner, watching TV and flicking through the channels but there weren’t any good shows and programs. Eventually, I decided to check the catch-up and on demand services. Not sure about other countries but in the UK TV providers have on demand service which you can use to watch shows and movies whenever you want. I’m sure that by now you probably figured it out but, yes, this is when it hit me…
Brunette on demand!
My boyfriend looked at me shocked and asked: ‘You do realise that people will probably think you’re a call girl or something?’. I said: ‘Yes, I know that but it also means ‘always available or when needed’ which I’ve felt like all my life’.
Brunette On Demand – The Quirky Meaning
Most people, especially women, will probably steer clear of using such a domain name but it actually made sense to me. First of all, it’s catchy and, you’ll most probably won’t forget it if you come across it. Secondly, I don’t mind the quirky meaning behind my domain name. On the contrary, I embrace it!
When I was a child, I used to be very chubby! Nobody believes me as I’m not anymore and I look very confident. Yet, the truth is that I was overweight without the slightest drop of confidence in me. Actually, I still see myself as that little chubby girl that was bullied throughout her childhood. What’s worse – I still have very little confidence but I’m just better at hiding it.
I think I was in 7th grade when my bulimic episodes started and I dropped a significant amount of weight. That’s when I started wearing dresses, shorts and skirts. Before then, I’ve never actually worn anything short or revealing. However, when I became slim, I wanted to boost my confidence and wearing more revealing clothes made me more confident. When I say revealing, I don’t want you to think that I’ve shown anything more than my legs! Sadly, boys and girls didn’t see it that way…
I was 13 or 14 years old when I was first called a whore and a slut. You need to know that I haven’t even experienced my first kiss when the name-calling started. For months, I was coming back home crying and not wanting to go out again. I even went back to wearing jeans during the summer but it didn’t help. After months, I decided to just do my own thing as I couldn’t continue living like that. I remember thinking: ‘I was bullied when I was fat and now I’m bullied when I’m slim…’.
What’s the point to convince someone that you’re not something if they don’t believe you?!
I thought that the name-calling and shaming will stop when I grow up but it hasn’t. It’s been happening all my life and I’m used to it. I’m not the only woman going through this and I don’t feel the need to feel sorry for myself. Thus, when I came up with ‘brunette on demand’, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to finally let go. It was the time to accept that I’m going to be called a whore, slut, etc., and there is nothing I can do about it but to embrace it!
Brunette On Demand – The Deeper Meaning
On demand – ‘at any time that someone wants or needs something’ (Cambridge dictionary).
That’s how I pretty much felt until recently. Always available, always on demand. Every single time someone wanted or needed something from me, I was available. I’ve never really paid attention to my own needs as I was scared that if I say ‘no’ to someone, they’ll either leave me or somehow I’ll get punished. Parents, relatives, friends, teachers, bosses – always available, always there to do the job. Eventually, I realized that this way of living is driving me crazy and people have lost their respect for me.
Since I’ve been taking my anti-depressants and going to therapy (you can read more here), I realized that I need to pay attention to my own wants and needs. If people really want me in their lives, they’ll accept me for me. They will value me as a person, not as someone who is there to fix something. Moreover, they will have a lot more respect for me if I refuse to help them once as the next time I help them, they won’t take it for granted. Actually, they might appreciate it more.
Yet, it is not people’s fault that I’ve always been on demand. It’s my fault that I’ve let them thinking and believing that I don’t have my own needs and priorities. Thus, I have to also embrace this meaning of Brunette On Demand. I was once on demand and I still am but only for the right people!
So, this is it!
You now know why I chose this domain name. For good or bad, I won’t change it. Actually, I hope it gives you some sort of motivation to not be ashamed of who you were, are and are going to be. On the contrary, you need to turn the negative into a positive. Easier said than done, I know, but we need to try!
We need to try for our own good and wellbeing!
Photographer: Plamen Panchev
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What do you think?