Yesterday’s session with my psychologist was probably the best one I ever had! I took my best friend with me. As she has a lot of problems at the moment, I hoped that she can realize that there is help available. Sometimes we need a professional to listen to us and give us advice.
We talked about her current situation and feelings. Although I can’t say what exactly she shared, as it’s personal, we are and have been in similar situations. The psychologist even told us that we sound like sisters. We can really get each other and be there for each other. I can honestly say that I have finally found a girlfriend that I know I can trust.
What both of us realized during the session is that we tend to give other people, mainly men, more than what they deserve. I’m not talking about that thing (if you have a dirty mind!). We invest a lot more emotions and feelings than they deserve. Eventually, we are left hurt, empty and broken. At least I feel like that…
You see, men are different. That’s not to say that they need to change or anything like that. They are just different from us women. When they are working, they are working. When they love, they love in their own way. When they want to relax, they relax. Just like the psychologist said ‘when they finish their job, they crawl back into their ‘cave’ and just want to relax’.
Unfortunately, we, women, are very different. Most of us need attention, affection, reassurance. Sadly, most men are not ‘programmed’ to read our minds and react in the way we want them to. Consequently, we are left with the feeling that they don’t care about us or don’t fancy us. Thus, we tend to act in ways that only drive men away.
What we need to do is be more confident in ourselves and self-worth. We need to learn how to be happy without a man. Actually, every person needs to learn to be self-sufficient. When we achieve that, we’re going to be stronger. When we love ourselves, we’ll know that if someone leaves us, that doesn’t mean that we’re not worth it. It just wasn’t meant to be. That’s all. Your value as a human being is not measured by the relationships you have or had.
I’m slowly starting to learn that when a relationship ends, it’s for the best. From every single relationship you’ve had so far, you can only learn and improve. That doesn’t mean that you have to change because of the person that left. No, you need to think of the breakup as an opportunity to become a better person. Personally, I have also been and still are very emotional. I shift between different emotions quite quickly. Consequently, I drive people away. Not just the men I’m in a relationship with but all people in my life.
Gladly, I’m blessed to have my family and my bff. They take me for who I am and know why I react in the ways I do. That’s not to say that I’m not willing to change. On the contrary, when they forgive me I realize what I’ve done and said. Thus, I’m willing to change because I want to not because someone else told me.
To be honest, we spent an hour talking about how different men and women are. And that’s ok. None of has to change if we don’t want to. However, a man will almost never understand what a woman is feeling. Only another woman can truly understand and actually feel what another woman feels. It sounds like I’ve turned this post into some sort of feminist propaganda…
What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t want to change yourself or your partner. If you are missing something from your life or relationship, you need to find out what it is and if it is worth sacrificing something else. Only then, you’ll be comfortable and content if you’ve decided to change something in yourself. From personal experience, if you do something only to please another person, then it will backfire at you. Not only you but also the other person will end up hurt.
Learn to love yourself before even trying to love somebody else!
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