This Friday I went to my second visit to the psychiatrist to discuss my Genecept Assay and psychological test results. Needless to say, I was extremely nervous. The appointment was in the afternoon, so I had to wait all day!
In the morning I tried to calm down but I couldn’t, so I did some cleaning at home. I washed a few of the many curtains at home. Then, I went to the gym for a workout. Both activities didn’t help. I was just counting the minutes until I eventually almost threw up and fainted…
However, the appointment went quite well. Before we discussed my results, we went over how I was feeling and what I’ve been doing since our last meeting.
Lately, I’ve been trying to keep myself extremely busy with activities to prevent doing something stupid. Unfortunately, the suicidal thoughts haven’t decreased. Yet, I’m getting used to them. I thought my sleep was getting better with the help of the pills that were prescribed to me. Sadly, it seems they’ve stopped working pretty quickly. I’m having pretty intense nightmares again…
Anyway, onto the results!
Firstly, we discussed the Genecept Assay results. Honestly, I was shocked by them. It turned out that I’m a poor metabolizer. To be honest, I’ve always thought there was something wrong with my metabolism. In the past, I’ve even discussed that with my ex-partner. Yet, we never reached to that conclusion because I was responding quite well to diets and medical treatments.
However, it turns out that I’m actually the opposite… Especially when it comes to treating something with medication. In short, patients who are poor metabolizers experience a very slow breakdown of medications, making side effects more pronounced. That means standard doses of certain medications may not work as intended.
To be honest, this explains a lot about my various health issues which is a relief in some sense. I’ve always thought that I’m not working out hard enough or I’m just weak. Turns out it’s not me. Actually, based on my results, I’m doing more than my body can actually handle. I know I should feel extremely proud of what I’ve managed to achieve so far, yet I’m not. At the moment, I think I’ll just blame my depression and anxiety for my low self-esteem.
Back to the medication treatment, my liver also doesn’t seem to process enzymes properly. This is quite awkward as they did test my liver in the UK and everything was fine. I guess it’s quite difficult (and expensive!) to test this.
Basically, since I’m a poor metabolizer and my liver is not doing what it should be doing, I’ll never respond well to antidepressants. What’s worse, they are bound to make everything worse. Even if I feel better, they won’t actually help. They’ll just continue to affect my neurotransmitters in a bad. Zoloft, which was prescribed to me in the UK, is, in fact, bad for me. The same goes for the rest of the available antidepressants or antipsychotic medications out there. I either shouldn’t take them or use certain inducers which just complicates things even further. In short – antidepressants are a no-no for me.
In terms of pain relievers, there were also some quite interesting results. Gladly, non-opioid analgesics like Ibuprofen and Aspirin are absolutely fine. On the contrary, opioid analgesics like Codeine and Morphine can have an increased risk for adverse events or poor response. This actually makes me quite scared because I’ve always thought that if I end up in the hospital with severe pain, they’ll give me Morphine and I’ll be fine. I’ve always thought of movie scenes in hospitals and how Morphine helps patients. Now I just hope that I never end up in the hospital with severe pain as nothing might work to stop it… Moreover, I remember that 2 or 3 years ago I had an allergic reaction to a wasp sting. When I went to the A&E in the UK, they gave me Codeine for my pain. I remember that it helped me in a way but I felt worse after I stopped taking them. I thought it was normal, yet, I now know it wasn’t.
Gladly, there is hope for me, peeps!
All of the available mood stabilizers on the market will work! Thus, now I’ve been prescribed with two medications and enzyme inducers. I’m off the antidepressants and sleeping pills. Based on my genetic results, these should do wonders with my depression and anxiety. We’ll see how the treatment goes and my next appointment is at the end of October.
Now, onto my personality and psychological test results.
The results are not good but not bad either. Unfortunately, my past traumas and bad experiences in life have caused damage to the way I think and behave. Sadly, I’ve always felt quite threatened by people. This has led to trust issues and extreme anxiety. It doesn’t matter if I’m surrounded by people that are close to me or not – I just don’t trust them. Over the years I’ve seriously tried to trust people, yet, whenever I’ve thought that they somehow lied to me or betrayed me, I was experiencing the same trust issues.
My anxiety is also very severe. At the moment, I can’t even go for a walk without feeling anxious. I have a Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the shock of leaving the UK suddenly really made things worse. Right now, the psychiatrist has advised me not to go anywhere abroad because it’s going to make things worse. The only things I can do are trying to keep myself busy, going out with family and friends, and not going to any new places by myself.
Gladly, nothing is irreversible. I’m not bipolar or anything like that. Any personality disorders are momentary – they are an expected and natural outcome because of the trauma. I’ll just need a lot of therapy and support along the way.
I’ve started doing everything I can to get better, so, hopefully, I’ll find joy in life again.
If you teach your brain to think positively, even if you have to force yourself, eventually you’ll be in a better place.
As I mentioned, my next appointment with the psychiatrist is at the end of October.
Until then, I’ll continue with my therapy posts and weekly catch-ups! 😊
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